[Not all our readers may know, The Onion is a satirical newspaper in the US, which through its humorous twist on events manages to reveal the many essential truths that lurk beneath the surface of the official stories. — Frontlines ed.]
The Onion • ISSUE 49 •17 • Apr 25, 2013
Obama Orders Reinvasion Of Iraq After Illuminating Trip Through Bush Presidential Library
Obama says the case for war outlined in the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum is “clear and undeniable.”
DALLAS—After taking an “eye-opening” tour of the newly dedicated George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum in Dallas Thursday, President Barack Obama reportedly ordered the United States military to reinvade Iraq.
The president told reporters that the museum’s numerous displays provided illuminating information concerning the ongoing threat posed by Iraq and the necessity of re-deploying combat troops in order to bring stability and lasting democracy to the troubled country.
“I have no doubt in my mind, after spending some time in Mr. Bush’s library and museum, that the United States simply must intervene in Iraq in order to temper volatility in the Middle Eastern region as a whole,” Obama said, noting that bombers and approximately 250,000 ground troops were currently en route to the Middle Eastern nation.
“The way I now see it, we have a responsibility as Americans to create that kind of change and to lead the world by example.”
“Though it will not be easy, our work in Iraq will ensure a better life for the Iraqis,” Obama continued. “And they will, I am confident, greet us as liberators.”
Pointing to the array of informational displays and exhibits housed in the former president’s 226,000-square-foot educational facility, Obama said he was “absolutely convinced” that al-Qaeda has established a major foothold in Iraq and that the people of Iraq deserved to live in a society that is “free of fear and free of want.”
“Let me go a step further and say that if we do not act now to enact a regime change in Iraq, the consequences will be dire,” Obama said, adding that, as evidenced by documents he read in the Bush museum, Iraq was likely the axis upon which the entire Middle Eastern region turns. “It is a hotbed for terrorism, and, as demonstrated by the Bush archives, invading Iraq will allow us to put a stop to those religious extremists who actively seek to harm the U.S. and hold America hostage.”
“They hate our freedoms,” Obama continued.
Obama added that though engaging Iraq might result in a protracted conflict, he was confident upon further researching the library’s materials that the United Nations and the international community would come together to support such a necessary, morally justifiable endeavor.
“Working together with our numerous allies, we can and will be an agent of change,” the president said, thanking his predecessor for making a “truly convincing case” for military intervention in Iraq. “Through our noble efforts, we will transform Iraq into a bastion of democracy and cause peace to spread throughout the region, ensuring stability and prosperity in the Middle East for generations to come.”
“I stand by this decision because I know it is the right thing to do,” Obama added before leaving the museum. “And I think history will judge me accordingly.”